Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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