You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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