i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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