Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I want to make a zoo with you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.