party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
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then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy