if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell