I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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