she woke up with a sticky ear
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You smell like stripper and shame
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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