He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize