i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
