i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
