WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
