i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
