real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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