Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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