Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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