Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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