So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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