Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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