I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
