Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
