I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
