My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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