They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize