Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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