): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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