marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
