i think my mom watched the whole time
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
