So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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