when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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