Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
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Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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