I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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