I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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