i think my mom watched the whole time
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
