driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
