Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize