I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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