Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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