dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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