1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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