Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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