And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
