i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
