he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED