he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.