it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.