I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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