she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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