My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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