I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize