I wish I could teleport
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
