eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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