Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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