last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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